Marriage Mythbusters #2
Talking more isn’t always the answer — learning to understand each other is.
Christopher Lunn
10/8/20252 min read
🔥 Marriage Mythbusters #2: “We Just Need Better Communication”
Why talking isn’t enough — and what your heart really needs instead
“We just need to communicate better.”
It sounds reasonable — and yes, communication matters.
But many couples spend years “communicating” without ever truly connecting.
Because the truth is, most communication problems aren’t about the words at all.
They’re about unmet needs hiding underneath them.
💭 The Real Problem Isn’t Talking — It’s Understanding
You can learn every communication skill out there — active listening, mirroring, “I” statements — but if you don’t understand why your spouse feels the way they do, the conversation still falls flat.
Sometimes what sounds like anger…
is really hurt.
What sounds like nagging…
is really fear.
What sounds like silence…
is really shame.
When we stop focusing on “How do I say this better?”
and start asking, “What is my spouse really needing right now?” — that’s when everything changes.
❤️ Beneath Every Word Is a Need
Every human heart carries the same core desires:
To feel seen
To feel safe
To feel valued
To feel chosen
🧡 What to Do Instead
Here are a few simple shifts that can rebuild connection even before the next big talk:
1. Listen for the need.
If your spouse seems frustrated, ask yourself, “What need might be hiding under this?”
Maybe they’re lonely, stressed, or craving affirmation. It's not always about you.
2. Respond with care.
You don’t have to fix everything. Start with, “That sounds really hard,” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.”
It tells their heart, “You matter more than being right.”
3. Meet a need without being asked.
Acts of service rebuild trust faster than words.
A hug, a note, washing her car — they speak louder than lectures ever could.
4. Create moments of safety.
When your spouse opens up, resist the urge to defend or correct.
Take a breath before reacting. Remember — your partner isn’t the enemy.
When your partner feels safe, honesty comes naturally.
🌱 The Truth
Most marriages don’t need “better communication.”
They need better care — a willingness to tune in to the needs behind the words.
Because when we meet each other’s deeper needs — for love, respect, comfort, and safety — the conversations we once dreaded become opportunities for closeness.
🤝 Imperfect, but Growing Together
None of us are perfect — and that’s okay.
A strong marriage isn’t built on flawless people, but on two people who refuse to give up on each other.
We learn to accept weaknesses, appreciate quirks, and help each other through the rough spots.
We don’t lift each other because it’s easy — we do it because we love each other.
Love sees the good when it’s buried, speaks life when things feel heavy, and believes the best even in the hard moments.
That’s how grace turns ordinary marriages into extraordinary ones.
🔥 Keep Growing Together
If you’re ready to fan the flame in your marriage — not just talk about change, but live it — explore more tools, resources, and real-life encouragement at FanIntoFlames.online.